That phone call. 3:00pm Sunday 23 February 2014. My friend Chris had phoned up to find out how I was coping with ‘The News’. What news? Seems just about everyone else already knew that my best friend and former partner had passed away overnight. I went into shock. Why hadn’t my best friend phoned me when he knew he was going to hospital, as he usually did on his frequent hospital admissions, so I could be with him? Why didn’t he even call his adult children? Perhaps he knew he was going to die and that it wouldn’t be pretty.

It seemed like déjà vu. This was the second time a soul-mate and partner had died in my life, the first time on our daughter’s 7^th birthday. At that time I developed pneumonia from the intensity of my grief and came very close to death myself.

This second time I was absolutely numb. I couldn’t cry. The tears refused to come. My fear was that if I started crying the tears would never stop. God, please don’t make me go through this again.

As a healer it’s almost an ego thing that you should be able to just draw on your bag of healing tools and wave some kind of magic wand and ‘fix’ things for yourself, that somehow there should be a way to bypass the grief. Grief however is a normal emotion to feel when you lose someone you love. Self-medication with alcohol, food or drugs doesn’t resolve it. Well, perhaps a bit of chocolate is ok.

Was it merely coincidence that a matter of hours before the death that I had been on a teleseminar talking about ‘the Healer as Initiate – Are You Being Tested by the Divine?” Some of the points I had been making included that sometimes it feels as if our life is descending into chaos as our old beliefs and structures are being broken apart in preparation for moving to a higher vibrational level. This is the time of testing for the spiritual initiate. Seems my test has been on Unconditional Love.

It didn’t stop with the death. The funeral was harrowing, family disharmony intensified. Illusions, secrets unravelling fast, questioning what was truth. My own unrelated sudden health scare thrown into the mix (got the all clear on that one now.) My daughter coming down with another suspected bout of Glandular Fever. Chaos. Nothing left to do but Surrender.

I’d like to say I’ve come through to the other side and am back to my bright, bubbly self, but that would just be lying. The grieving is still very much an ongoing process … and I am allowing it to be so. Why would I want to suppress natural emotions that if driven deeper within me could otherwise eventually create heart disease, cancer or chronic depression?

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but here are 10 things that have been helping me through this testing time. Perhaps there is something here you can also apply to your own life right now?

1. Good friends have been my greatest blessings, especially those that have supported me to fall apart and let the tears out.
2. Allowing myself to be Vulnerable and to receive comfort from wherever it is offered. (I even received a handwritten letter of condolences from a former Deputy Prime Minister of Australia, something totally unexpected, even if my former partner had been in politics.)
3. Simply asking to be held in the embrace of the angels and the Divine Mother for comfort. This has been a biggie! Know that you are never alone and there is always help and guidance available to you from the higher realms. Just ask!
4. Surrendering completely into the process, rather than trying to control it or figure it out.
5. Allowing emotions to come up without judgment.
6. Spending time alone in beautiful places being reminded of all the beauty and blessings in my life.
7. Cuddling my cats.
8. Taking some time out for me, knowing that I can only serve others effectively as a healer when my own vibration is high and my batteries are charged. Hmmm, was it a bit of Divine intervention that knocked out my phone and internet connection for a whole day when I really didn’t feel up to seeing clients?
9. Homeopathics for shock and trauma
10. And of course, last but not least, I’ve been doing my Isis Healing of Love™ self-healing.

I learned a long time ago that I could talk to my loved ones on the other side. Just as my first partner who died is now one of my major guides on the other side, I know in time my second one will be too. They were both very inspirational men.

*********

What’s next?

A period of introspection, prayer and asking for Divine Guidance as to the next phase of my journey, as well as working on getting my inspirational compilation book for women done. I’ve given myself a 3 month deadline. Maybe I’ll even include part of this article.

* Of course I’ll still be seeing Private Clients as usual.